The Soul and The Sailor

I have lived on a sailboat with my family for over thirteen years, one foot firmly placed in both worlds, sailing locally while juggling work and school schedules. My primary role and privilege during this time has been to raise and homeschool my two wildly wonderful boys. 

The years have slipped by too quickly, as they do during those hectic younger years, but my husband and I have held fast to the dream of taking our kids cruising to explore the world. It took many years of planning to finally throw the lines and set sail full-time, but it is proving to be worth all the hard work and sacrifice.

The cruising life is known for its “high highs and low lows,” which require all parts of you to be fully onboard and deeply present. The physical and emotional demands of this life are intense and unpredictable. As a result, it offers unlimited opportunities to grow, learn, expand, and explore parts of the self, both as a soul and a sailor. 

Though some of our skills overlap, we each have our distinct roles on the boat. As the primary caregiver, I knew I could feed and care for the crew along the way. I love organizing activities, embracing opportunities to learn new things, and connecting with new people whenever I get the chance. I’m all about exploring new destinations; however, the actual passages we must make to get there, I was convinced I would simply have to endure. 

I thought I was just along for the ride, a passenger on this ship, eagerly awaiting the moment we finally reached our destination. We all know the saying, though, don’t we? Come on, say it with me… “It’s all about the journey, not the destination.” Cliche, I know, but never has this resonated more deeply. 

With each passage we make, I notice predictable patterns of approach emerging as we learn to navigate not only new destinations but our new lifestyle and shifts within our family dynamics. 

Outdated narratives and undesirable habits, like little barnacles, have accumulated over the years and must be removed. While being prompted to revisit past lessons, we also explore new approaches. 

One thing I have learned the hard way is
that we are never just “along for the ride.”

We either play an active role and make conscious choices on where we are headed and what we wish to explore, or we are inevitably served the consequences of apathy, avoidance, or indecision. 

For years, I felt like I was simply “along for the ride” as I struggled to navigate an eating disorder, anxiety, and depression. Enduring traumas, trials, and tribulations was an emotional roller coaster I couldn’t seem to control. It wasn’t until I began to recover from my eating disorder that I realized that not only did I have the ability to change course, but I was the only one who could. 

I’ve learned many hard lessons throughout my life, but the one thing I sincerely appreciate about the cruising life (after the event, of course) is that the lessons come hard and fast, but the growth is exponential. 

The consequences of your actions are clear and immediate and demand you take action when you are tactically or emotionally off course. Removing ego from the equation and recognizing any perceived failure is simply an opportunity to gather information, refine your approach, and find another way.

As I learn to navigate this new chapter of my life, I thought I’d take you along on the journey. Reflect on some lessons that seem to stand the test of time, discoveries that delight the soul, and opportunities to correct course when you notice you’ve gone off track. 

Bring It Back To Basics

I get seasick, so every time we head out, I must be very mindful of the sea state, weather, and passage length. The more I know about what to expect, the better I can support myself and the less anxious I feel. I must prepare the night before to succeed the next day. I bring it back to basics, avoid caffeine, spicy or greasy foods, alcohol, and prioritize sleep. 

If I am not well-slept or well-fed, I’m more vulnerable to making mistakes, less tolerant, and prone to increased anxiety. Feeling well-prepared for the day ahead helps me to feel calm and confident that my body and mind are up for a new adventure or taking on unfamiliar territory and challenges. 

The same approach works when struggling emotionally or physically, feeling out of control, or needing additional support. Reducing stimulation to both body and mind, eating nourishing foods, and an early night to bed seem to soothe even the most frazzled and fatigued souls on board.

Take the Helm

Nothing orients you faster to your reality, gives you a sense of control, and allows you to anticipate what to expect next better than deciding to take the helm at the start of a new adventure or during rough seas. 

One of our most challenging passages was our very first; just as we had passed under the Golden Gate Bridge, the sea state deteriorated and we were tossed around in very confused seas. To my absolute utter dismay, my husband told me to take the helm. I felt like I was the worst choice he could’ve made. We had much more capable hands on board.

Knowing we were safe and the conditions were limited to only the next few miles, he demanded I step up. Considering my tendencies towards anxiety and seasickness, he knew that this experience would set the tone for the rest of the trip, and I needed to feel competent and in control. 

I clutched the wheel, grounded into my feet, and started counting, incorporating breathwork to calm myself down while keeping my eye on approaching waves. One breath, one wave at a time, we made it to calmer seas and started to head south with a newfound sense of accomplishment and skills.

Facing your fears head-on builds courage, confidence, and the skills necessary to handle challenging situations. Fear dissipates each time you tackle a new task or situation, allowing you to consistently uplevel and cultivate a deep sense of trust within yourself. Building trust requires that you take action; consistently taking on new challenges is the key to proving to yourself that you are capable beyond your wildest dreams.

The Devil is in the Details

Successful navigation requires you to have a destination in mind, dial in, and pay attention to the details while making small shifts and adjustments as you consider the wind, waves, hazards, contours of the land, or other vessels along your path. Depending on the circumstances, altering the course or changing the destination altogether is required.

Sailing down the west coast of California and Mexico has been both exhilarating and exhausting. In each passage we make, we anxiously await the adventures ahead of us. We are slowly learning that just as often as we evaluate our route, we must also assess ourselves honestly. Recognizing we are in new territory physically and mentally and it is taxing. Low morale on a small vessel manifests itself quickly when we disregard the state of the crew and focus on the next adventure or destination only. 

I recently had to request that we slow down so that I could regroup and reinstate routines that I knew would allow me to ground and reset. It required that I recognize that I was dysregulated, and the entire crew suffered the consequences. Worry and overwhelm disrupted my sleep and amplified my anxiety; we were all miserable in paradise.

Slowing down allowed me to not only notice the dysregulation but to also dial in my inner awareness and articulate my needs. Changing course and implement times of rest, connection, or solitude depending on the day. Recognizing the aspects of the scenario that I had control over gave me back my ability to skillfully navigate this new terrain—daily yoga, meditation, and writing became a mainstay, along with a more positive mindset as my emotions equalized.

We often set goals or expectations for ourselves without considering the reality of the situation at hand. Holding ourselves to commitments we’ve made when we didn’t have all the information leads to outcomes we never intended when we are unwilling to alter course along the way.

Taking the time to lean into the details, attune to our environment and ourselves, and allow both intuition and intellect to inform our decisions provide a more detailed picture of the outcome we can anticipate. 

Go with the Flow

Plan for and prioritize preferences, but releasing expectations is the key to avoiding disappointment. Embrace events as they unfold; resistance only causes turbulence and requires more work. When we align with the energy available to us, we are propelled exponentially towards our desire and opportunities that we may have never known existed were we to demand a specific outcome.

Oh, how I know this one in theory! I posted sticky notes, “Let it be easy.” as cheerful reminders to go with the flow. Yet, my inefficient attempts to create a sense of control often cripple my ability to open myself to other options or opportunities. My instinct is to contract and resist transition.

Recognizing the limitations I create for myself, I have created rituals to routinely challenge my fixed mindset. Journaling creates a safe space for me to explore other options and try out different scenarios in my head. I am noticing what objections or narratives have become an obstacle to the energy or experience I seek. I morph my worry into wonder, a subtle shift from “What if?” to “I wonder,” nurturing a sense of curiosity rather than feeding into a fear or lack mentality.

Cultivating a sense of self-trust is imperative to navigating flow, trusting that you can recognize resonance, tolerate turbulence, and have the ability to change course along the way when needed.

Embrace Impermanence

Impermanence does not devalue the experiences or relationships you encounter along your journey. Such a tenderness and deep presence is cultivated when we embrace the present moment, knowing it won’t last forever. 

Time is precious, and we feel the pressure to invest it wisely. Impermanence can feel frivolous until we begin to recognize the greater value it adds. 

Because there are no expectations from others of who I am supposed to be, I can play with and present different facets of myself without permanently shifting dynamics. Allowing the opportunity to explore aspects of ourselves that seek expression is invaluable and imperative to our evolution. 

One of the greatest gifts of cruising is that you are exposed to so many different people and places in such a short time. This constant infusion offers the opportunity to embrace many different perspectives and envision possibilities you never knew existed. The world opens up in the most fascinating ways.

Unplug and the Desire for More Dissolves

We are immersed in a culture that constantly needs “more,” the drive to consume is fueled by comparison, self-criticism, and an intense feeling of lack. The lure that it can all be resolved by clicking a button can be hard to resist.

As our access to the internet has decreased, our definition of “more” has shifted significantly. There is so much more available to us when we are immersed in the immaterial. 

Living in a small space, everything onboard has a purpose; the focus is on function rather than form, and I include myself in this equation. I take care of my body and mind, not for the consumption of others but so that I can experience more joy, adventures, connection, and laughter. Rather than seeking outward validation of my worth, I tune in and seek resonance from within for confirmation that I am on the right track. 

The quality of experiences I have in my life reflects the amount of compassion, patience, and gratitude that I can hold for myself and others.  

No store sells what we are looking for, yet the world offers us gifts every day for free, but it requires that we look up from our screens, step outside, and experience its brilliance.

When we embrace a life filled with challenge, purpose, presence, and the consistent opportunity to be still and reflect, we hold space for the world's wonders to wash over us and the treasures to reveal themselves.

Each new experience we immerse ourselves in allows us to have the opportunity to see ourselves and the world we live in through a different lens. Cultivating a deep sense of self-trust that you have what it takes to not only endure the inevitable challenges along the way but also the capacity to expand and embrace the fullness and beauty this life has to offer.  

Stepping away from traditional society has allowed me to savor the depth and clarity that simplicity offers. The unveiling truth—I never intended to “be along for the ride.” I now have the skills and strength to navigate the unknown.